Kylæ XY

A desperate call for security

2008-09-25T17:30:00.000+08:00

It did not bother me that I am a loner… until now… reality suddenly confronted me that I did not really want to be alone… that independence is killing me… I thought I could be brave…that I can sleep all by myself here in this room…that I need no one to sing me a lullaby…that I care less about the world that’s been making a lot of noise lately… I guess I’m a poser. For I know, inside this tough shell is a girl who is really longing to be held by that particular person as he would hum me our secret melody, putting my restless heart to sleep.

hay naku!

2008-09-22T12:24:00.002+08:00

nakakatawa ka naman.
ang tayog
ng tingin mu sa
sarili mu. akala
mu ba ang mga kabaro
mu lang ang pwedeng
mabuhay sa mundong
ito? eh kung
ipakain ko kaya
sayo ang mga salita
mo? masyado ka ng
mayabang. kesyo't
hindi nagaral sa
intitusyon niyo
ang taong pinagpuputok
ng butsi mu,tingin
mu agad di sila
nararapat sa
kinalalagyan nila ngayon.
ito lang maipapayo ko
sa'yo, taong habol
lang ay titulo, taong
matawag lang na parte ng
grupo, gumising ka na't
baka nilalamon ka
na ng pagiging t******o
mo, na pag nakalabas ka
na sa inaakala mong
paraiso, ay magulantang ka
dahil mali ang naging
pananaw mu. tandaan mu,
hindi lahat ng taong
malayo na ang narating
ay ginamit ang titulong
pinagmamayabang mu, kundi
mismo ang kanilang
pagpupursige't pagtiyatiyaga't
pagmamahal sa sariling
pagkatao.samahan na rin
natin ng pananalig at pagtitiwala
sa Maykapal.
GISING NA!!!

"ito ay inaalay ko para sa taong walang bukambibig kundi ang kanyang pinanggalingang
institusyon at tintapaktapakan ang ibang di niya kabaro. sobrang nasusuka na ako sa pagbubuhat niya ng sariling bangko. isang pangyayari na buong pagmamalaki niya pang ikwento sa akin.' nang makita kami ng guro sa amin sa center, at sabihing kami ay tagaA******, aba sinabi ko nga sa utak ko, do we look like we're from A******? taga-**** kami noh!!!' kulang na lang isuka niya yung sinabi ng kanilang guro. hay! pwede ba, as if kayo lang ang tao dito sa mundo. titleheaded monster!"

kulang kulang!

2008-09-01T19:07:00.002+08:00

Ako’y isang ballpen na walang tinta
Isang bag ng potato chips na puro hangin pala
Isang test questionnaire na di masagutan,
Isang lirikong di malapatan,
Isang buto ng bulalo
Taktakin mu man, di nilalabasan
Isang dvd na nabili sa recto
na walang laman
Isang estudyanteng nagmayabang,
pagdating sa recitation wala palang alam
Isang speech ng pulitiko na walang kabuluhan
Isang ulap na hindi kayang magpaulan
Isang atm na kung kailan kelangan mu ng pera saka pa nawalan
Isang dyip sa kahabaan ng espanya
At si mamang tsuper lang ang lulan
Di na mapupunan pa ang malaking puwang
Na nakaawang sa katauhan ng isang
Taong tulad ko na ang pag-asa’y
Tuluyan nang naubusan.

goodbye August...

2008-09-01T18:59:00.002+08:00

A new beginning is waiting to be unfolded as the sun is rising over the horizon. This is it. This is the time to leave every wound I wore in August. Scars may remain, but it does not bother me. It might even be a useful reminder of the struggles I had gone through. A sign that a part of my life has been closed and part of my being have been healed. I gave August my final glance; an upward curve of my lips begins to form. “Thank you August…so long…” I whispered. Determined not to make a U-turn, I turned my back to face the future. This is it. Let’s not make September wait.

it pays to be a coward sometimes!

2008-08-31T17:22:00.005+08:00

this happened two weeks ago.

it was 4 a.m. at that time. i was comforting myself to sleep when thoughts of slashing my own wrists suddenly flashed through my mind. a small voice popped out of nowhere saying," come on.. just one swish of a blade,and all the pain would go away...come on, dear...get the blade!". i shouted back(glad that my roomates were not there),"no way! i don't want to!". but the voice was persistent. it keep pushing me to the edge. "you are in deep pain right? and you can't take it anymore. a slash in your wrist would finish all that crap you are feeling.go ahead. get the blade!" i was beginning to like the suggestion. right!i really am in deep pain. and i can't take it no more. maybe i should do it. i closed my swollen eyes as i shook in fear at that thought of the blade touching my skin. blood would ooze out and slowly drip from my wrist. and then it hit me! blood oozing out from my own wrist? woah! no way! cowardice got the best of me. i aborted the idea just because i am afraid of blood. i just shooed away the small voice and prayed to God for healing(and sanity!). sigh! it pays to be a coward sometimes.

"i am a depressed because of...(i'd rather keep the reason to myself). i can't bear all the events that had taken place. it consumed all the strength i had that the idea of suicide was appealing to me at that time."

my someday has arrived!

2008-07-13T11:44:00.011+08:00

finally! the someday i've been sighing for months has arrived. it's been ,uhm, two years(?) since i've been raving about having my own blogspot. i know, i know... i sound like a crazy kid engrossed about his/her new toy... hehehe... oh well... all are free to wander here in my kallaxy(yeah!)! i now officially welcome you to my galaxy of thoughts, ramblings and the like! miaw!!